WHY I ASKED AMY ZIERING AND KIRBY DICK TO DO A DOCUMENTARY ON INCEST

WHY I ASKED AMY ZIERING AND KIRBY DICK TO DO A DOCUMENTARY ON INCEST

by Tara Lynda Guber,
an Executive Producer of HBO’s docuseries, “Allen vs. Farrow” shares her personal connection to the project.

I realized that I was a victim of sexual and emotional abuse by my father at age seven. It came to me as an unprompted and unexpected, shock and shook me to my core. When I told my husband, Peter took me immediately to New York to confront my father and like so many perpetrators, he denied it, and so did my mother.

The particulars of my violation are not as relevant as its impact. The emotional and physical abuse denied me my Voice as a child but most important, I was robbed of my identity. It was only three years of therapy, yoga practice and the constant, loving support of my husband, family and friends that I have survived and thrived.

After a screening at my home of Amy in Kirbys film, “Invisible War” about rape in the military, I asked her to make a film about incest. She initially hesitated; I persisted and provided the seed funding for the project that you see now on HBO.

It was not my, nor Amy and Kirby‘s intention at the outset of this project to make a film about the subjects you will see. it is my specific intention to shed light on this final taboo which is far more prevalent and deeply impactful and families across America and the world that you would ever think possible.

This is was my childhood and the common experience of victims of sexual and domestic abuse: You’re trapped in the house with a prowling, violent monster and you cannot leave. The perpetrator is not a random faceless stranger, but one of the first faces you’ve ever seen in your life, one who is supposed to be your ultimate protector. You see them each morning and each night at the dinner table. You cannot lock your door against them. No one believes you and in fact they attack you for having the audacity to make the accusation. You have no protector, no champion.

This entrapment deprives you of any sense of identity, self value and self-worth. It breeds paranoia, feelings of abandonment, separation, distrust, delusions, rage and fear of emotional or physical attack even from those closest to you. The world, your world, becomes permanently unsafe, and you are under constant threat.

A tragic but very real consequence of this type of abuse is that the victim learns how affective the methods of the perpetrator are. Humiliation, power and control are the weapons used against victims on a daily basis. They become part of the victims own consciousness and it is a constant struggle not to use these learned weapons on others as they were used on me.

When viewing this documentary series over the next four weeks, I encourage you to look beyond the celebrity personalities involved and use them as a starting point to understand the impact on innocence that this type of violence imprints on a child.

What you will see is not the exceptional behavior of two celebrities. The behavior in the series is indicative and frightfully common among victims of this type, and all types, of sexual violence. I also bring your attention to the exceptional circles of enabling, dismissive behavior and the repeated attacks on the victim and all who support them that the perpetrator and his circle deploy.

Both of my parents passed many years ago but the aftermath of my abuse is something I live with and intentionally manage each day of my life. The consequences are constant and prevalent and impact all of my relationships. It is a daily struggle to manage my history as a victim who is now a survivor. I do not always succeed, but I persist and prevail through the love compassion, tolerance and support of my family and friends.

I ask just one thing from anyone who views the series: Be the One who Believes. Be the one who believes the child when they tell you about an unspeakable act, an unbelievable violation. Be the one who holds them close and becomes their champion and will not leave their side until they re-claim their inner strength invoice to walk in the world alone as one who has survived and thrived. … Be the One who Believes.

– Tara Lynda Guber is a wife, mother, yogi and education philanthropist married to Peter Guber, business executive, entrepreneur, educator and author. She is the founder of My Voice Matters, a program for students that builds Voice, Identity and Agency using the tools of journalism and inquiry based learning. Tara lives with her family in Los Angeles.